Antics Of Golfers

Golfers are a unique species of human being having special mindset, taste and emotion. Though they walk and dress stylishly when they go about participating in their golf related activities, somehow they quickly metamorphose into clowns, angry bulls, cheaters, bunglers or even generous and exemplary beings according to situational demands especially on golf courses. Their antics are for all to enjoy. Here are some true comedies of golfers.

The Guilty Golfer
A friend of mine who stays in Alor Star which is about one and a half hour drive to Hatyai, Thailand, is an avid golfing enthusiast but alas on the side is also a die-hard sex enthusiast. He frequently makes trips to Thailand where he can mix and enjoy his two 'enthusiasms' and come back in time for evening tea like any old office worker does.

One fine morning he left his house just like an ordinary office worker and headed straight for Hatyai. After fulfilling his two 'enthusiasms' he returned like a good old family bread winner. However his wife was grumbling that she had been ringing him the whole morning but all she ever got were the 'out of coverage' messages and demanded an explanation from him. Sensing a storm coming he quickly announced that he was taking the whole family to the fun fair that night. The children erupted in joy overshadowing the mother's grumble.

That night at the fair the performance of a blind street musician caught the attention of his six-year old son. He stood there transfixed. The father realised that an opportunity was there for him to conjure an image of exemplary father (bapak mithali) in order to pacify his wife of her anger. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a fist full of coins. He gave them to his son and asked him to donate them to the blind musician. The little boy threw the coins into the donation box one by one. Half way through he stopped and holding a coin high above his head,

"Mum, how many cents is this coin?", he asked.

It took the mother just one short glance to identify that it was a Thai coin. I won't venture to tell you what happened next. Your plastic brain should be able to figure out.

The Innocent Golfer
Another friend of mine befriended a self made millionaire Chinese businessman at his club and soon the two became the closest golfing buddies. His friend though successful had little formal education thus could not speak English well.

One night they went out to dinner with their wives. As it was the first time he introduced his friend to his wife telling her what a wonderful man his friend was. To return the compliment his Chinese friend said,

"Your husband ah.... enjoy kaki one. But partner no good la. His ball always go into young girl...sure lose one."

Again I am not going to tell you what happened before my friend managed to convince his wife that what his Chinese friend was trying to say was that he was a joyous happy-go-lucky man but not good as golf partner since he always hit his ball into the "jungle" and they would sure lose the game.

Forced To Be Generous Golfer
Another friend hit his ball into the bunker filled with fine sand. The ball was almost buried leaving only a little top part visible. He tried to hit the ball out a few times but failed every time. This made him so mad that he flung away his sand wedge. Unfortunately it landed and remained stuck on the branch of a nearby tree. He was forced to smile when others were laughing their heart out at his antic. Finally he pulled out 20 ringgit and slipped it into the caddy's pocket. The caddy instinctively knew what his master wanted. He climbed the tree and retrieved the wedge.

The Vile Tempered Golfer
Another golfer did not play well on one fine Sunday afternoon. His ball kept going astray. By the time he reached tee box 5 he was fuming mad cursing, swearing and shouting the worst expletives in various languages on top of his voice. In that state of mind he teed off and sure enough the ball landed in the pond. He was super mad by this time and with curses pouring out of his mouth like rain, he grabbed his golf bags with clubs and all in it and threw it inside the pond. Mumbling and grumbling he walked all the way back to the car park.

At the car park he reached into his pocket for his car key. At that moment he realised that he had kept his key in the golf bag. He called a caddy, gave him a hundred rinngit and asked that chap to follow him to the pond. There the caddy jump into the pond to retrieve the bag. He then retrieved the car key from the bag but threw the bag back into the pond swearing that he would never again play golf in his lifetime. However that night he took his son who was a good swimmer to dive for his bag and the very next evening he was back on the course.

They say never built your house bordering the golf course for fear that your children will pick up dirty expletives in various languages before they can even read ABC.

Bye. Have a nice day.